Friday, February 16, 2018
. . . Can people make you feel a particular way? I know there are times we all try to make someone else have a specific (usually unpleasant) feeling, but does it take?
. . . A difficult CPE* supervisor once said something demeaning to me. Using my best learned communication skills, I told her, "When you said . . . I felt put down." Her response astonished me: "Well, why on earth would you choose to feel that way?" This comment flew in the face of everything I'd ever learned about healthy communication. I had always understood that feelings are part of our primitive selves, instinctive, spontaneous, not deliberated and selected.
. . . I came to believe, after considerable reflection, that there are feelings that might be described as authentic in that they are the first ones that crop up at a particular time; they are an instinctive response to a stimulus. Yet they can be examined by the self and modified by what the examination shows.
. . .We don't have to automatically accept the [usually destructive] feelings that someone else wants us to have.
. . . Sometimes people know how something that they did made us feel, but not always. Sometimes we have to tell them.
*Clinical Pastoral Education
Posted by Nancy Stevens on Friday, February 16, 2018