Many Questions, Not Many Answers
This thinking has come about stemming from some situations of real or perceived need -- people experiencing crisis in health, relationship, bereavement, some very recent and some from a while back.
Ordinarily, I don't think a whole lot when responding to these situations. I just go with my gut: preparing a meal, providing transportation, listening and processing, including a lonely person in a gathering at home, trying to make a birthday special, finding a spontaneous small gift, visiting the hospital. Different situations call for different responses. I think that God awakens my awareness of a need and what I might do to fill that need, so the question of exactly who my neighbor might be is fortunately not among those I have been pondering for the past several days. I'm still asking the questions, though, and know I will be doing so for some time to come. They are not questions with quick and easy answers. As often is the case, I'm using my blog as a journal to keep track of the questions as I wrestle with them. Here are some of them:
- If someone asks me to give and I don't perceive a real need, should I say simply say "not this time," explain my reasons for not seeing the need, or suck it up and give anyway?
- Sometimes my gift is listening; if the recipient had hoped I would do a couple of loads of laundry, she may be disappointed and think I have let her down. What then?
- If I am a person in distress, is it right for me to have expectations of others that they will give to me? Or should I be surprised when they do?
- What if someone tells me that I have let him down, that I have not given enough to him in his difficult situation? Do I give more, even if I do not feel moved to do so?
- Are some kinds of giving more appropriate than others?
- If I organize some sort of a group effort to provide some kind of care, am I making others feel as though they are obliged to help?
- What about situations that go on and on and on? Will the recipient feel abandoned when I move on to a more acute need?
- And, finally, am I overthinking all of this?
Comments
*We can't be all things to all people.
*We can't participate in every worthy cause for every worthy person. There are only so many hours in a day, after all.
*I have actually had to say "I am honored that you think I have so much more in me to give, but it just isn't there right now. I wish it was, but it isn't."
*All you can do is the best you can do. Don't beat yourself up.
I do what moves me and stirs something inside.
“My Life cannot implement in action the demands of all the people to whom my heart responds.”
― Anne Morrow Lindbergh
Much as I love reading about your friends, family and quilts, it is posts like this that really stay in my mind because they speak to all of us in different ways.
I think we all have to accept that we cannot be everything to everybody, and I have always admired your ability to say up front what you are able to do and what you are not – in a tactful but clear manner.
I don’t think any of us should have “expectations” that others will pitch in to help us. Hope, yes – but not expectations.
I think we have to remember that those we have helped may very well not be in any position to help us in return.
I’m trying to imagine a situation where someone might say that a person hasn’t given enough and they need more. I guess it’s in the nature of things that we all feel we need more, but if you gave “more” to one person wouldn’t you then have to give “less” elsewhere?
We have all been in situations where we need some kind of help. Looking back on those situations, I smile to think that my friends “gave” according to their own personalities. Some gave a hug and emotional support, others found more practical ways to give support. All were welcomed but not expected.
Organising a group effort is so like you, and you would be totally understanding of the commitments of others. We all get the “if you would like to help, do this” kind of message – and we respond in whatever way feels right to us. However we react, being asked gave us the opportunity to make our own choice.
Oh dear, situations that go on and on. Maybe we should hope our friends and family will pitch in to help in a crisis, but it’s then up to us to make our own long-term arrangements as best we can?
If this is overthinking, please keep doing it so that the rest of us can think about it too!
Like all decisions, I try to do the best I can with the information I have at the time I must decide. I cannot undo what has come before nor can I predict what lies ahead. I can only do what I am able to do at that specific moment in time.
Bless you, Nancy, for encouraging us to think!
I believe that it's okay to decline to help if your cannot and that you don't owe anyone a reason for your decision. God will put that person and need on someone else's heart when you are not available.
Be gentle with yourself as you contemplate the difficult questions you've posed. They are good tools for reflection.
Hugs!
Hugs!