My Absolute Tale of Woe

 

It has been a stressful week here Near Philadelphia. Technology is the culprit. I shall attempt to condense my Absolute Tale Of Woe:

On Tuesday I went to the Apple Store to purchase an Apple Watch. How was I supposed to know I needed to have made an appointment to go shopping? After a wait in line outside the store, the lady said she had to check my phone to make sure it was up to date before I could connect the watch to it. It was. I bought the watch. Came home and attempted to connect. Watch said phone needed to be updated. Phone said it was updated. After six repetitions of this banter, I gave up for the night. Clearly one of them was playing hard-to-get.

On Wednesday, two more attempts yielded the same frustration and I phoned Apple Support who, of course, put me on hold. Eventually the technician tried a number of things and finally asked what model phone I had and it turns out that an Apple Watch cannot connect with a 6, must have a 6-S (?) Or later. Back to the store and the line once again with no appointment; but when the line checker interviewed me I did not lower my voice as I expressed my dismay. She got me in PDQ. And I then bought a new phone, a new model called ES (Extra Sensitive? Exceptional Sex? Eggplant Saute? Whatever) that wasn’t as expensive as an 11. 

Home again to move everything from the 6 to the Eggplant Saute  and then phone Verizon to have them change the current. But the lady at Verizon demanded a four-digit PIN and she didn’t like the only four-digit PIN I know and she didn’t like Joe’s either. She said I would have to go to the Verizon store with a photo ID and proof of purchase. Well, experience had taught me something, and I had the sense to go to the Verizon website and made an appointment for 11 on Thursday morning.  

I drove up to the mall and looked at the kiosk and Verizon was at 1074 so down to level 1 I went and when I got to 1074, it was a Sprint store. The lady there asked how I was; I told her it would be better to talk about how she was. It seems that the Verizon store USED to be directly across from the Sprint store but now was closed. It was a good thing I was not able to use the Apple Watch because that gizmo measures one’s blood pressure and I was in danger of needing to press the Apple Watch button to summon 911, except the Apple Watch was not connected or set up but home in the box. Ms. Sprint and I consulted the Waze apps on our phones (my old phone, the one still connected to Verizon power) and discerned that the Verizon store had moved a few miles up the highway near Home Depot. It was now 11:15, fifteen minutes into my scheduled appointment. Off I went and was pleased, finally, to reach Verizon, connect with a real person (who had no interest in my photo ID and/or proof of purchase). He was humorless, but technically competent, and within fewer than five minutes, I was back in my car. 

Once home, I attempted once again to do the connect but, of course, the new phone wasn’t charged. By the time it was charged, the watch needed charging. I needed a break at that point and set everything aside. 

Bringing us to Friday when both gizmos were fully charged but the mating failed for reasons I could not comprehend (but was not surprised by) and will not bother to try to explain here. I phoned Apple Support but they had no record of my purchase and hence I was ineligible for out-of-regular-hours support and was told to call back after 9 Central. I put everything aside, went out on the deck, screamed, and came back in. Some unknown instinct prompted me to take an action: I turned off the watch and turned it back on and did the same with the phone and sat down to do something else — ANYTHING else, actually — and after about an hour the phone which was by my side abruptly lit up and the watch also lit up and it seemed they wanted to be friends after all!  So finally they are connected and the watch is usable and wants me to finish personalizing it. But I haven’t had the courage to try. 

It is now Saturday and I have Other Business on my Agenda and have truly no tolerance whatsoever for any technological frustration. Channeling Scarlett at the moment, who reminds me that “tomorrow is another day.” Stay tuned.