Lemonade

It has been a long process, these two and a half months. On January 29 I experienced what so many have experienced these past few years: the major traumatic life event of losing one's job. On January 29, I felt only shock and raw, undefined pain. Within days this developed into all kinds of feelings: panic, anger, pain, sadness, confusion, loss, incomprehension. I spent my time trying to imagine what Joe's and my life would be like, dealing with a profound sense of loss, resentment that others had made a major decision on my behalf with no input from me, and the anguish of realizing the financial impact and trying to come up with a financial plan in the likely event that I would be unable to secure another full-time position.

Then there was the stress of knowing that there were likely five months of this to endure, five months of putting on a brave face when I was terrified, five months of needing to be professional in a devastating situation, stress that at times seemed unbearable. There were times when I was so raw that I cried, times when I allowed myself to feel angry at the people who had made this decision for me and still try to give them the respect colleagues should receive, There were times when I had to leave campus because the stress was overwhelming. Much of the time I was so engrossed in trying to make sense of the unknown that I was unable to be tuned in to very much else.

On Friday, for the first time, I woke up feeling very close to my real self. Here is what helped me to transform my lemons into lemonade:

• The patient, kind support of my husband.
• Messages, verbal and written, of concern and hope from family and friends.
• A couple of meetings with an outsourcing professional.
• Several meetings with a Stephen Minister from my church.
• My wonderful quilting buddies who listened when I wanted to talk, and understood when I didn't.
• Unexpected blessings like the flowers that showed up on my desk, the box of fabric that appeared in the mail, and a truly amazing vegan dessert (who knew?).
• Trying to think outside of myself, to make a meal for a friend recovering from surgery, to make charity quilts, to make a couple of "unnecessary" gift quilts.
• Oddly enough, a shared experience: One of my dearest friends received similar news just two weeks before I did. Collectively, we have visited every one of the Kubler-Ross stages of grief, some of them several times. 
• And the offer of a job!

A few weeks ago, after I had become convinced that because of my age I would be unable to find a full-time job, I applied for a part-time position. Several days ago, I was offered and accepted the position. There are still some concerns that must be figured out, but the job appears to be a good fit, possibly custom-made for me. I will share more details soon. But right now, I think it is time for a glass of lemonade. And I certainly do like the sound of this recipe!

Cheers!