Kindness
The recent past weeks have been clouded by some unpleasantness with a fellow church member. Always arrogant and imperious, he's become more so since taking on a position of some responsibility in the congregation. He knows everything and really can't bring himself to even acknowledge that there might be another point of view (albeit a mistaken one, of course) apart from his own. I've thought about Luther's position that has helped me though some other interpersonal difficulties in the past, that of putting the best possible face on our neighbor's failings.I was thinking today about a book that Honna wanted me to read a few months back. It was about sociopaths. I glanced through it and told her I just didn't want to read it; I didn't want to fill my head with unpleasantness and perhaps start looking for the pathology in people I meet. This morning I had a moment of regret at rejecting the book; if I were able to believe that this man from church has a condition of some sort, a mental illness that he can't help that makes him so unpleasant to be around, I think I could handle it better.
I guess because of what's been going on with this man, I've been supersensitive to other unkindnesses. A couple of routine statements have leaped out in conversations.
Someone I know who is amazingly thoughtful and considerate of others has been saying "You think?" when another person says something that is obvious. I cringed when I heard it directed at someone and thought how hurt I'd be if it had been me.
Another question that causes a visceral reaction is, "What part of [whatever] don't you understand?" This response is such a put-down, leaving the hearer with nothing at all to say. I think if anyone ever said that to me, I'd prolly just walk away, never to return.
Now, of course, I'm wondering what sorts of reflexive unkind things I say and what unkind behaviors I'm exhibiting. I know I'm impatient at having to repeat things, all the while mindful that my own hearing is not as acute as it once was. I guess I wish there were some sort of a magic mirror I could employ for a week or so that would flash a light when I'm mindlessly unkind.
But there isn't. So I just need to slow down a little bit and be more tuned in to my own behavior and language.
And as for the guy at church, I guess the only thing to do is pray for him. He must be terribly insecure and probably is lonely. And that is a sad thing.
Comments
I too take the position of striving to be more positive and to reflect what God would have us do! WWJD!
You can do it Nancy, I know you can, and I will pray for your situation!
Karen
Marlene
My mother used to (she doesn't talk much anymore) have a response to things ("Really?") that galled me so often, it was like she wasn't accepting what I was saying, but it was just verbal noise, I guess. But your acquaintances are being sarcastic, plain and simple. My husband won't put up with one ounce of sarcasm; he says it is always down putting and never funny. Perhaps your acquaintances have never been told that by someone they respect, or they have had to put up with it frequently in their own lives.
I know what you mean about wondering about the mental/emotional condition of a person in one's life. There is a woman at church who I wasn't warm to after several things happened. She is in her mid 50's. Now we all realize that she has lost some of her marbles. She can't work nor stay alone. Really sad. I'm with her alot and I'm working on being kind and helpful.
A. "Good morning."
B. "What's that supposed to mean?"
Human beans are quirky and communication is not always easy.
And then, some people are just plain mean.
Maybe an intervention with this person at church would help you, if not him.If he is causing dissension in the group he needs to be confronted. Is everyone intimidated? The minister? Even Christ didn't let people get away with crap.
Yes praying for him and for your own understanding of his manner is about all you can do.
I'm with you on the things I say too. I don't mean to be unkind ever but sometimes it is taken the wrong way and I wish I had used a better choice of words. I would like a light flashing too, preferrably before I say or do the unkind thing.
To see oursels as ithers see us!
It wad frae monie a blunder free us,
An' foolish notion:
-- Rpbert Burns, "To a Louse"
Or, for those who don't speak Scots,
O would some Power the gift to give us
To see ourselves as others see us!
It would from many a blunder free us,
And foolish notion:
I'm not very tolerant of difficult people, and sometimes I wonder if that's a failing of mine, or just good common sense. I'm not confrontational, but I just tend to ignore, avoid, or eliminate them from my life. Being in a position where you HAVE to deal with someone like that is hard, because it's not just the time spent WITH the person, but the affect he or she has on your thoughts and mood when they aren't even around!